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rubennfigueiredo:

My mom say that everyone has a beautiful side. So I guess I’m a circle.

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whorville:

Start a group chat then put your phone on vibrate and shove it up ur ass

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robertoluongo:

in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke

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  • high school teacher:yeah i have a 4 year degree so you can call me Mr. Whatshisname and if you call me Frank that's disrespectful I'll give you detention for a week
  • college professor:hi i've got my Ph.D., i spent 10 years doing research, i have 7 patents and 26 published papers, and i was nationally recognized for my work. but you can call me Kim if you want.
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rneerkat:

an sentence like this makes me feel uncomfortable

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